Darkness

It is a bad day. I was wondering if it was okay to post this, not just because it is hard to read but because it is hard to write – the effort of entering letters is excruciating (I know what that word means). I need to rest between words. But in a few days I will forget how bad this can be, which seems impossible but to an extent I know myself. Also, I don’t think anyone will see me like this, because I’m too ill to get up. I wish my doctor would. Maybe they would believe me.

Sitting up is too painful. Lying down still hurts, but not as much. I can’t walk, I can’t wash myself, I can’t cut up my food; I can barely eat at all. I can’t lift things. Light and sound hurt. For once I can’t sleep, although I’m desperately tired and incapable of anything else. Even talking and listening are agony. This has taken over an hour and I’m running out of energy.

God, please vindicate us and save us from those who try to bury our needs, who claim this is laziness and fake, who persecute us and those who support us. We can do nothing to save ourselves. We have no hope apart from you.

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