Yay! That’s right! Atos and the DWP have thoroughly examined me (okay, well, a nurse barked some questions at me but it’s not like they have a clause saying you need a qualified doctor to examine you if you have a neurological disease, right?) and determined that I am fit for work! Hurrah!
I guess that must mean I’ve been greatly overestimating the abilities required in order to work full-time.
So, here is my advertisement for myself. I have to post it online, because I’m too ill to go to the job centre.
Hi! I would like to work for you! I have a couple of niggly problems because I’m disabled, but the law says you have to accommodate any reasonable requests. So, I’m looking for full-time work, but I can only actually work for half an hour a day. Also, I can’t walk more than a few metres, so you’ll have to install an elevator in my flat and provide a full-time carer to move me around in my wheelchair. That, or I’ll need a weeks recuperation between shifts, to make up for having to encounter stairs. I also can’t sit up for more than about 10 minutes without extreme amounts of pain, so I’ll need a bed provided. It will need to be in a dark and silent room, and I’ll probably need to have a couple of breaks during my half-hour. Also, being forced to sit up and concentrate and move around really wipes me out, so I’ll need to have two days off between working. I obviously can’t manage overtime.
Light and/or noise will trigger a migraine, so you might need to be prepared for me to sleep that off. It only takes about 12 hours though, don’t worry. You’ll also have to bear with my personal hygiene – a warning in advance here – I can’t actually wash myself, and since all my energy will be going on working for you I won’t be able to manage sitting up to be washed by a carer. But then again, since interaction is so tiring for me, I guess you wouldn’t want me to be around people anyway.
I’m up for any kind of work, but anything that involves walking, lifting, sitting up, concentrating, or lots of interaction with strangers will be too strenuous, so none of that please. I’m a hard worker, determined, cheerful and upbeat. I have experience waitressing, working in a supermarket, teaching at a childrens club and programming. Atos and the DWP fully endorse me being able to get a job with this minor ailment, so don’t let that stop you from hiring me! Don’t see my disability, see me.