Tiring times

In the past two weeks, I’ve had more real social interaction than the previous nine months.

(Seriously. I did the maths.)

A couple of our friends from Kent came up to cat-sit for us while we went away, and hanging out with them was great. They’ve been really supportive the whole time I’ve been ill, even though they’ve been so far away, and I am so thankful for them. They also cleaned half the house for us! Which was amazing!

Then, with Mr Scratchy in safe hands, we jetted off to Spain for our friends’ wedding- lots of fun! We were there for a few days, but I slept through pretty much everything except eating… well, at least I went! I wasn’t entirely sure I could manage it, but I’m really pleased that I did – my friends are important to me, and they’d been waiting a long time (and putting in a lot of effort) for their special day. I’m super thankful for their understanding as well, since I spent about 3 days just sleeping in their spare room.

I stayed at my parents’ for a week on the way back, both in order to recover from the travelling, and to see my family again. It’s hard on them with me being so far away, and I miss having my mum and brothers around. It was good to be able to see them all. We had a birthday takeaway (although I’m not 23 until next week), and I got to go outside a couple of times towards the end of the week when I was feeling better. Also, had a few friends come to visit me as well!

It was so good to be able to interact normally (well, kindof normally… I was still in bed pretty much the whole time) and see so many people again. I really miss having social contact with folks. It’s amazing how many people that you encounter in day-to-day living, even if it’s just people serving coffee or sitting on the bus, but when you’re trapped in your bed you don’t get any of that, it’s just you and your room, forever.

I was aching to be back with my husband and kitten, but I’m also sad that I won’t get that kind of interaction again for a long, long time. I’m not naive enough to believe that if I was with my parents I would get that all the time – a couple of people might see me regularly, but I would still essentially be on my own. It just saddens me that I can literally have more contact in 2 weeks than in 9 months, and still be sleeping 13 hours a night!

I’m so, so fed up of this. Back to normality is back to the horror of how I live. I don’t want to be trapped in my bed, I don’t want to be unable to wash or prepare proper food, have nobody to talk to and nothing I’m capable of doing. I don’t want this at all, never did. It’s a horrible way to live life, and even more horrible that every time I ask for help I’m turned away.

My parents splashed out far beyond their means and bought me a 3 months supply of a selection of supplements, one of which is Co-Q10, so I’ll be experimenting with taking them for a while. I really hope it makes an improvement; right now I’d just take being able to sit up and be grateful! It’s one of the few things which has scientific basis for making improvements, so I’m hopeful it might make at least some difference.

We’ve also got a flat lined up now – praise God! It’s absolutely perfect for us, a bit smaller (which makes it easier for me to get around), and the kitchen and bathroom are very close to the bedroom. I’m so excited, can’t wait to move in! It’s closer to the area where people I know live, as well, although whether that will make any difference I don’t know. To be honest, if it did make a difference it might just upset me more.

We’ll hobble across that bridge when we come to it.

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One response to “Tiring times

  1. So thrilled that you had two weeks of people interaction!!! As much as it makes the rest of life suck in comparison, it also makes it that much more valuable. Don’t spend too much time adding up how miserable your life. Take things one day at a time, keep in touch with me (who feels almost the same), and find something good in every day.

    Praying for you,
    Abigail