So, it’s the end of NHBPM, which is frankly a huge relief. I enjoyed the challenge of having to write so many posts, and some of the prompts were very good, but it was hard going. I had to give up a lot of stuff, primarily time which I would have spent on social activity but also a few more “challenging” mental things like the amount of TV I watched, in order to manage the posts I did manage, and I still had to shift a couple of times. Writing posts ahead is quite good but apparently still fries my brain; every-other-day worked a little better, but still probably a bit much. As I think I said, I want to raise awareness of how ME affects you, and this is how: not enough energy for crazy schemes like this!
I enjoyed it though, and it gave me an opportunity to practice writing and learn a bit more about my limitations.
What else has been going on this month? Well, I had my follow-up appointment with the neurologist, which went well. She clearly knows her stuff, and I am very happy that she is not content to just dismiss everything as “chronic fatigue”- she really wants to find out what’s wrong, and then try to fix it. I have seen a lot of the bad side of the medical professions, so it’s both refreshing and a good reminder that there really are doctors out there who are in it to help us. It’s still hard to shake the constant fear that she will turn around and go “a-HA! It was all a trick! I don’t really believe you’re ill at all!”, dealing with all this has not given me great confidence in doctors actually listening to me or believing what I say.
Most of the tests came back negative, but she is still waiting on the EMG results and has referred me to a muscle specialist. I think that the current ideas are ME or migraines plus some as-yet-unidentified muscle condition. Either of those could explain the symptom set, so we’ll wait and see what shows up! I’m pleased there are still options which might be treatable.
This morning our tumble drier arrived, which I am immensely excited about! The horrendous pile of washing had been attacked lovingly by my mother in law, but now we have the ability to put a stop to it once and for all, and actually sort out the wardrobe – hurrah! Not so sure about admitting that a tumble drier is an exciting development… I already feel like I’m 23 going on 80, oops.
We have also had a couple more mysterious donations, for which we are so thankful. I am repeatedly amazed that all the things we have needed have been given to us, and although I guess I should not be at all surprised that God can an does provide for us and keeps his promises, it is still a “wow” moment, every time – the small things and the big things both. What you only seem to read about in missionary books, has right now been happening for us. Every time there is a set back or a door slammed in my face, it has been so easy to despair even of life, but we have not stopped trusting that God is the “living one who sees [us]”(Gen 16), and he has seen us and helped us. It’s not the path we would have chosen to go down, but we are here anyway, and it is clear that whilst it is hard, we have not been abandoned for a moment. Thank you for looking after us, and hearing our prayers, and getting us through this. I suppose that soon enough I’ll be equipped to write some detailed post on providence, but for today, it is clear that “all things work together for the good of those who love God”(Rom 8).